he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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