Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
