saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
