Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
