So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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