May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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