They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
