the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
