video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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