I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
