Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
