My liver just broke up with me...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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