so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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