Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
