A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
