I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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