Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
