all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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