Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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