ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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