I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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