I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
