The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
