he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
