I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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