I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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