his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
