the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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