Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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