i would punch a child for taco bell
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
