hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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