i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
