So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
