My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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