AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
