You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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