real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
