Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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