The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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