i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
