First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
