He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
