turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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