FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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