I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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