soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
organizing the empties. That sober.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
