New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
how does that bad decision feel?
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