he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
