Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
