i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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