she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My breasts were aching with rage.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
