i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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